My Doctor Yelled At Me!

I am so upset I can hardly tell you what happened yesterday. My doctor actually yelled at me. I've never seen anyone get so red in the face, especially a professional, and so livid. He was so loud that his nurse came running into the examination room to find out what the heck was going on.

But in my defense I have to say that I was not at fault here. 

So here's the story. It was time for my annual physical and like a lot of folks I am battling a bit of a weight problem. After all of the blood tests came back last year my doctor warned me about the high cholesterol, the slightly elevated blood pressure, elevated sugar in my urine and all the rest of that stuff that doctors go on and on about. You know, you've been there.

Taking his advice seriously I went on the internet and looked up the Food Pyramid. I wanted to follow good eating habits and eat the right foods every day. Since the Food Pyramid was put out by the Food and Drug Administration then this is probably something people should pay attention to. Of course, I did find that it wasn't that easy. Who can eat five servings of vegetables in one day?

Where do you find a cereal made strictly from vegetables? Are we supposed to have a broccoli sandwich for lunch? It's a bit difficult, isn't it.

So I studied the requirements of the food pyramid and started out with fruit juices. Now everyone knows that Hawaii grows great fruit so I put Hawaiin Punch on my shopping list. A couple of glasses of that a day should help.

I wanted to cut down on my sugar and I heard that corn syrup is nothing but sugar so I threw out the Karo Corn Syrup that my grandmother always had on hand and bought Log Cabin Lite Syrup instead. A couple of bottles of that should help.

Everyone talks about how bad red meat is for you so I didn't buy any at all and I've cut down on the $5.00 box at Taco Bell to just twice...ok, three times a month. So that has really cut down my red meat intake.

Pasta is good for you and Top Raman is all about pasta so I would buy a case of that a month. For other starches I stopped getting french fries and got tater tots instead because they look a lot more like little potatoes. Don't you agree?

You are supposed to have dairy products on your diet but not too much so I cut down from four eggs at breakfast to two. I figured hard boiled eggs in a salad for lunch were ok because they weren't runny. So that's a point for me because you get dairy and vegetable at the same time.

I had to give up any kind of candy and the pyramid told me that nuts are good for you. Since I love Paydays that wasn't any problem...they're full of nuts. The individual pecan pies are just right for a single person and they're full of good nuts too so I was getting a box of each every month. Good stuff.

For exercise I increased my trips to the frig from 10 to about 20 times a day and that's a lot of exercise for me so more points in my favor.

Now I really didn't feel like I had lost any weight over the year and my pants were a bit tight but they probably shrunk in the dryer so when it came time for my next physical I was feeling pretty positive about everything.

I reviewed the Food Pyramid and I was satisfied that I had my fruit everyday; dairy wasn't a problem; I was a little weak on the veggies but, heck, even tacos have tomatoes and lettuce; the starches were covered, and I was getting plenty of protein from all of the nuts consumed.

The nurse weighed me and took my blood pressure. Of course they never tell you anything, even if you ask, but for some reason she wasn't as friendly as she was just a few moments ago when she led me to the examination room and told me to strip to my underwear and put on that stupid paper gown.

I waited and waited and finally my doctor shows up. He has the results from the blood tests that I had to have done prior to the physical and the weight and blood pressure readings that the nurse took.

"I thought that we had discussed you going on a diet the last time I saw you," he began.

"I did go on a diet, doctor. I've been following the Food Pyramid as closely as I can for the whole year," I replied.

"Ok. Tell me about the foods you've been eating that follow the guidelines of the pyramid."

So, I told him. And then he started yelling. I don't understand. The government puts out these really hard to follow guidelines and you try to follow them and then your doctor yells at you!

No wonder Americans are fat. I think it's a government conspiracy don't you?

Good Luck on Your Diet,

Terrence Plank
http://www.gogreenautomatedbusiness.com/